


Not Human

by FKAErinElric



Series: Cas and Dean a love story [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Cas isn't human and Dean seems to notice, Disapproving Family, Established Castiel/Dean Winchester, Guilt, M/M, Nightmares
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-28
Updated: 2019-01-28
Packaged: 2019-10-18 08:57:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17577806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FKAErinElric/pseuds/FKAErinElric
Summary: Dean has a nightmare in which Cas kills him. Bothered by it he's mind keeps reminding him that Cas isn't human.Part in a series exploring Cas and Dean's relationship





	Not Human

 

            Dean was in his bed; sweat pooled on his face and ran down his back. His breathing was fast and his heart rate was elevated. And not in a fun way he had to add. He let out a groan and whipped his forehead with the back of his sleeve. It was another long night, a night full of nightmares. He rolled over and looked at the clock it was about three in the morning. He sighed.

He had another nightmare. Given his line of work truly that wasn’t uncommon. They ranged the gambit from fighting the monster of the week, to the world ending, to Sam dying, or mom, or Cas. The worst ones yet was one were one of them were after him. He shuddered. This time it was the Cas trying to kill him in his dreams. It was odd he knew that it was a dream but it was still unnerving. He blinked and tried not to remember the dream but it would not die easily. He could see it now. He was searching for Cas in the Bunker; he remembers finding him in the library. The angel of lord issued a very familiar ‘Hello Dean’ and then he walked up to him. Arms outstretched, and Dean like a fool goes for the hug. After all Cas is his boyfriend he feels safe with Cas protected. In the dream Cas then caresses his face then grabs his head and bam one dead Dean.

Dean shuttered again. He hated those dreams. It was like his mind was constantly trying to remind him; hey by the way your boyfriend isn’t human. He’s more than capable of killing you with a thought.

_“We kill the monsters, son.”_ He heard he’s father’s voice echo in his head. Disapproving of his current life style. Dean smirked to himself. Boy John Winchester would be proud of him now. Not only was he involved with a man, he was with an angel. He could hear him now:

_“Son we kill the monsters.”_

“Cas isn’t a monster.” He argued with himself. He rubbed his face and shook his head. Cas was Cas. He was kind and loveable, sweet and caring, romantic and clues, innocent and… dangerous. That last word hung on his mind like laundry on the line. It wore on him. He rubbed his face again. Like everything in the world wanted him to know to understand that Cas could kill him. He wrung his hands the sweat long dried off and cooled his back making his shirt stick to him.

He frowned and got out of bed. He took off his black shirt tossed it on the floor and pulled another one over his head. He knew he wasn’t going to go back to sleep tonight. He looked at his TV and thought about watching Netflix and soon changed his mind. No he wanted to see Cas.

He headed out of his room and walked down the hall to Cas’s room. He and Sam decided to give him the room furthest from him as the angel never slept. Usually Cas would watch TV or read but he was always worried about bothering someone so he chosen the room furthest from them. Dean stopped in front of the door he could hear the TV playing on the other side. With a soft rap he knocked on the door. He heard shuffling and soon the door was open.

Stood before Dean was Castiel, Angel of the Lord, black hair and blue eyes his boyfriend. “Dean what are you doing up? It’s far too early?” He’s voice gruff and gravely and deep and yet it was soft and gentle. Dean could never figure out how a man with such a serious sounding voice could at times sound so sweet.

“I couldn’t sleep.” Dean stated and Cas stepped aside for him and ushered him in. “I just thought that I could come hang out with you.” He had to work up the nerve to talk to Cas. If Dean was being honest his dream was bothering him more than it should have. He walked over to the couch in Cas’s room and sat down.

The angel’s eyes narrowed. A trait that Dean had noticed very quickly meant he was thinking. Dean also noticed that Cas did that a lot especially around him. He always felt like he was constantly assessing him, watching and studying him. Dean honestly couldn’t tell if it bothered him or not. Being under the angel’s microscope at first was odd and creepy, soon it felt like flattery eventually he learned to love it being one of the man’s many quirks. Said odd angel sat beside him still with his eyes on him. “Is something the matter Dean?” He asked so formally. His head tilted slightly, lips pursed. “Is this a ‘booty call’?” He asked and used air quotes.

“No Cas no I’m just…”

Cas studied him his eyes unblinking and he nodded. “I shall give you a moment to process your thoughts then.” He unpaused the show he was watching.

Dean worked in his mind. How was he to go about talking to Cas about the nightmare? He studied the man, his angel. Ever pouting lips, frown lines and crow’s feet, and an occasional smile when something cute happened on the show. Dean could honestly say watching Cas watch TV was more entertaining than whatever the angel was watching. The light of the TV bounced off of Cas’s big blue eyes. Dean found himself many of times getting lost in those blue eyes. The big sapphire beauties they were.

_“That’s not really him son, he’s in a meat suite. That’s someone’s husband and father and he took him from them.”_ He’s dad’s voice echoed in his mind. It was the hunter half of him the little part of him that lead him to having nightmares of his boyfriend killing him in his sleep. The little voice that berated him for putting Cas’s life above that of Jimmy Novak’s. The one that called him pathetic when he was happy to learn the human had long died and gone to heaven. Dean if he actually thought about it was a little weirded out by the situation. While Jimmy’s body was attractive he remembered when he seen him when Cas wasn’t involved. Like when he was dragged back to heaven or when they were in the world where they were TV show characters while they had the same faces as Cas they weren’t Cas. He often found himself in the realization that it was more than an attractive face; he loved Cas for being Cas. There was something about the way he lit up the human, he’s eyes were brighter and yet dull, he’s expressions unnatural but natural, he’s voice; God his voice. He often wondered how Ca’s voice was so deep; what did his real voice sound like? Given how gruff he sounded in control it had to be deep… sexy even.

He studied the angel to work up the nerve to talk to him. Like really actually talk to him. He wondered through his mind the possible scenarios that could take place. He felt something touch his knee and noticed that Cas had laid his hand on it. Cas was still focused on the TV more so than him. Cas’s laser like focus was also interesting and like any real person TV would grab ahold of him. Dean smiled to himself and laid his and on Cas’s and took it.

Although Dean knew that there was a being of celestial indentions under the skin of the man once known as Jimmy Novak he can’t help but notice how human Cas has become. He remembered for a while Cas looked like he had literally just woke up or homeless. He’s strange expressions, messy hair, rumbled suit that tie oh man that tie. Dean fixed it more times that he could think of. Cas’s rumbled look just added to his otherworldliness. He’s mannerisms all of it was just strange. Now Cas can almost pass for human. Key word being almost.

_“Ain’t anything human about that thing boy. You’re in love with a monster. You kill monsters!”_ That nagging feeling came back. Dean sighed and Cas looked at him; Dean’s breath was caught in his throat those blue eyes stared right at him; eyes squinted into that little frown that he does when he’s thinking. Cas’s thinking face he called it, way different than confused Cas. Dean opens his mouth to speak but Cas cuts him off.

A graceful hand gently touches his face. “I sense your unease Dean.” He rubbed Dean’s cheek which made Dean feel extremely happy. Warmness washed over him. “Would you like to try to talk about it now?”

Dean started at him. The angel just looked at him and waited. Dean opened his mouth to speak and thought about how confessing was a lot easier, thought about how their first kiss was even easier. “I…”

“I know you expressing feelings is hard. I know something is wrong because usually you do not wonder into my room.” Cas was right usually if Dean got worked up enough at night the angel could sense his longing and show up in his room. Which was enduring and creepy at the same time that he knew when he wanted to see him. “I can sense your longing now, I know it’s a longing to tell me or ask me something.”

“I had a nightmare that you killed me.” The words tumbled out of Dean’s mouth with ease. He reached for Cas’s hand on his face but the angel took it away. Too soon, his face felt cold now with the large hand gone.

“You had a nightmare that I killed you?” Cas looked taken aback. “What an awful thing to dream. You do know I would never hurt you…” He frowned. Truth was Cas had done it before. More than a few times Dean’s life was in the hands of the angel, a creature more than capable of killing him a hundred times over. The angel faltered and paused in search of the right words before he finally said. “I would never hurt you again. At least not by choice.”

Dean nodded. “I know that sweetheart.” He reached out for Cas’s hand and Cas took it. It was odd for him to call him a pet name it sounded foreign in his mouth. He always called Cas well Cas a few times Castiel but rarely if ever a baby or a sweetheart. Somehow those names just didn’t work with Cas it seemed odd. He did try out calling him angel but every time he did Cas would say ‘yes I am an angel Dean.’ Dean rubbed his fingers over Ca’s knuckles that actually didn’t belong to Cas. He looked into his eyes his human but not yet human expression looked back at him. Dean felt his throat dry up. It could be easy he could just kiss Cas, take him to bed and forget the whole thing but…

_“It’s not human.”_ The inner hunter reminded him. He licked his lips and Cas just looked at him eyes squinting every once in a while.

“Does it…” He started then cleared his thought. He couldn’t just say to him, ‘look man I just now realized you aren’t human.’ That would be rude and hurtful to the other man err not man if he was getting technical.

“Does it what Dean?” He asked. Dean feared the angel would get annoyed and read his mind. He made him swear he would stop doing that a long time ago and he didn’t want him to start up again.

“Have you ever thought about how… how we aren’t the same?”

Cas bless him he tilted his head. “You are a male and my vessel is male…” He blinked a few times and frowned. Frown lines ran deep and Dena could tell the angel picked up what he was trying to ask. “Are you asking does it bother me that you are a human?”

Dean frowned. “Yeah… I’ve been thinking a lot about it tonight.” He rung his hands feeling the intensity of his stare heart heavy throat tight he should have gotten a beer. “See uh man… its tough with my upbringing you know.”

Cas blinked again. Face remaining about the same. “Because of your father would not approve of us?”

There it was like an arrow shot in a bulls eye. The words that hung out on the line. He bit his lip it was what was eating at him. He’s father John Winchester would not approve of him dating a man and especially an angel. “Yeah dad would… he would…” He’s chest tightened. If his father had came back instead of his mother the mess that would have followed. He could see it now. He frowned and shook his head. “Cas I am going to be point blank here. He would have killed you.”

Cas flinched then frowned. “Your mother isn’t bothered by us.” He stated and pointed in-between them. “Nor Sam.”

Dean smiled. “Hell Sam was the one that started this but… see every time I have that dream the dream were you kill him it’s like I can hear him,” He pointed at his head. “Like a nagging feeling that I’m…” He shook his head.

“You feel guilty?” Cas asked his face dropped into a sad frown.

“Yeah it’s tough okay. I was taught to kill the monsters and well my brain likes to remind me that you aren’t human.” He bit his lip. “See to my dad to well most if not all hunters if it ain’t human you kill it. You certainly don’t date it, let it in your bed, kiss it, make love to it or watch Netflix with it.” He felt bad for calling Cas an ‘it’ then reminded himself that technically the angel had no gender.

Cas let out a sigh then said. “In the angel community… what you and I have become is a crime.”

Dean blinked. “Why you little law breaker.” He said with a smirk. Cas was breaking rules to be with him. It was kind of hot.

“Well the rules are in place so to prevent the creation of Nephilim.” He gave a shrug. “Given my vessel and that you’re a male we aren’t doing that but it is still frowned upon.” He reached out and took his hand again and gave it a squeeze. “I sometimes think about how my brothers and sisters would be disappointed in me.” He looked down blue eyes full of sadness. “I would be ridiculed by my kind and mocked.” He pulled Dean’s hand close and kissed it. “A millennia of being told that emotions are wrong that love is wrong that it is a weak and human emotion that humans are a lesser creature and being in love and in love with one is vile and evil. By their standards I would be a disgusting creature for ever loving you and worse yet for letting you touch me, I think about it from time to time. It does bother me so… you are not alone in your guilt and doubts I want you to know that.”

Dean gave a weak smile. “So in conclusion our families would be upset about this?”

Cas rolled his eyes. “No Dean your brother and mother don’t mind us, plus my point was that things that you have learned that you have heard all your life is hard to break away from.” He smiled. “You and I just have to make a conscious effort not to let that rule our lives.” He cupped Dean’s face and Dean felt excitement build. He felt like a stupid teenager for getting so turned on over something so small. “What you and I have is beautiful and if you let guilt from what your father would think or a dream ruin it I would be disappointed.” He leaned in and captured Dean’s lips with his own. Dean had always wondered how Cas looked like he always had chapped lips but somehow they were feathery soft but firm.

A moan escaped Dean’s mouth as they broke apart. “Same to you Cas if you think that some angel rule is going to ruin this I’d be pissed.”

Cas nodded. “Good I am glad we came to an understanding.” He gave another quick kiss then picked up his remote to the TV. “I am glad we worked through this however I have missed almost the whole show.”

Dean gave him a playful eye roll. “You and your TV Cas, I’m sitting here pouring out my heart and you’re more interested in Brooklyn Nine-nine.”

“It amuses me.” Cas responded flatly. The angel then wrapped his arm around Dean and pulled him in close. He gave him a kiss on top of his head and whispered. “If you want to go back to sleep for a few I will gladly hold you.”

He nodded. “Sounds good Cas.” He buried his head in the angel’s chest and let out a soft sigh. The TV played softly and he felt himself drift off to sleep as he listened to Cas’s steady breathing. While Cas was not human and never would be one (Unless he loses his grace again) Dean wouldn’t have it any other way. This man was an angel in multiple ways, his angel. Dean Winchester’s little piece of heaven on Earth.


End file.
